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The “Sanctity” of Marriage
Posted on June 16th, 2009 10 commentsFor years the Religious Right have been palavering about the “sanctity of marriage.” However, a study by the Barna Research Group (according to their web site, they are the leading research organization focused on the intersection of faith and culture that serves Christian ministries, non-profit organizations, and various media and financial corporations), divorce rates among Christians and Jews are significantly higher than Atheists and Agnostics experience: 30% for Jews, 27% for “born-again Christians, 24% for “other Christians”, and 21% for Atheists and Agnostics. Further, their study found that among Christian groups, the highest divorce rates were among evangelical/fundamentalist groups (34% compared to 29% among Baptists, 25% among “mainline” Protestants, 24% among Mormons, 21% among Lutherans, and 21% among Catholics). The Associated Press, using data from the US Census Bureau and National Center for Health, found that next to Nevada (where people from other states go to get a “quickie” divorce thus skewing the data for that state), the conservative southern states (i.e., the “Bible Belt”) had divorce rates that were about 50% higher than the national average. These studies were confirmed by a study from the National Center for Policy Analysis.
Some of the Christian responses included statements such as “the data is inaccurate—just because people say that they are born-again Christians doesn’t mean that they are” and “the survey doesn’t make sense…since Christians follow biblical models of the family, making a bond that the secular world doesn’t have…it just stands to reason that the bond of religion is protective of marriage, and I believe it is”. So basically, they followed their typical behavior and ignored the evidence because it disagrees with what they want believe. Nevertheless, it appears that the old adage that “the family that prays together stays together” is incorrect and the Religious Right should get off of its moral high-horse.
Sources:
(unfortunately the Barna report is no longer available on-line)
http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=10961
http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm
http://www.adherents.com/largecom/baptist_divorce.html
http://www.divorcereform.org/mel/rbaptisthigh.html
10 responses to “The “Sanctity” of Marriage”
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mburr June 18th, 2009 at 15:20
Agreed (on the last point)…Is there a way to put links in the posts (say like on Wikipedia when they cite sources)? It is rather ironic that the stats show this…Do any of these reports speculate as to why this occurs? An idea that I just had is that maybe since they are religious, they have the need (either conscious or unconscious) to get married sooner; rather than dating and getting to know the other person better before they marry them. What do you guys think?
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Bahana June 19th, 2009 at 08:55
It would be hard to tell for sure unless they had a study with a poll on how long they dated before hey were married. When I was a Christian, I was at a church who frowned on people living together before they are married. There is a part of the bible that said it’s better to get married than to “burn with lust”.
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tdjones June 19th, 2009 at 09:36
I’m not sure if this implies that people should marry to have an outlet for their lust or that marriage “cures” them of lust.
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tdjones June 19th, 2009 at 09:50
According to the article on ReligiousTolerance.org,
Coupes marrying at an early may be a contributing factor. In addition, there is a correlation with income as well (lower income is correlated to higher divorce rates)The article on Adherents.com quotes Dr. Roy Austin (Dallas therapist and Southwestern Seminary graduate) who says, “magical thinking” is often a factor among evangelical and fundamentalist couples he counsels, he said, and that leaves them less prepared for the rigors of marriage. “The atheist doesn’t believe in God and so doesn’t depend on God to save or fix a marriage. It’s just ‘the two of us,’ and that takes the magic aspect out of it.”
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tdjones June 19th, 2009 at 10:35
(Dr. Austin, cont’d)…many fundamentalist or evangelical couples base their marriages on “very irrational and unrealistic principles,” he said. “They say, ‘Put God first in your marriage’ whatever that means to them ‘be faithful in church, be a good Christian, pray a lot, attend church, and God will work everything out for you.’ Then they find out that’s a lot of hogwash.” He’s also seen problems when some fundamentalist men, in leading the household, become “cruel dictators” who “expect their wives to become servants.”
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mburr June 20th, 2009 at 23:35
but isn’t that what women are supposed to be treated like? i mean if god wills it…yet another reason not to believe!
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tdjones June 21st, 2009 at 00:07
I can see how the biblical views on marriage can put strain on the relationship. On the one hand, society treats men and women as equals(or at least we made progress toward this), but if they are trying to live their life according to the bible, women are inferior and must be subservient to men.
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ldethomas June 21st, 2009 at 17:31
In my early 20’s I married because I got tired of fighting with mt father. He had been pushing me to get married since my late teens and I just couldn’t fight any longer. Before I knew it, I was living 300 miles away from my friends and family in the farthest reaches of New York State putting my then husband though grad school. I cooked, cleaned, drove, worked 5 different jobs,… he went to class and the library to study, or so he said. I was told by everyone that it was going to be worth it. One day he would graduate and then put me through grad school.
And so I worked hard to make his life as easy as possible while he studied. He however controlled every aspect of my life. He kept track of the miles I drove, the money I spent, the people I spoke to,… Public embarrassment and then confinement to my house was my punishment for the slightest infraction and yet, he went crazy if I even tried to contact him during the day for an emergency.
After he received his degree, he left me to pack up our home while he went 2/3 across the country to become a professor. When I finally arrived at the airport of my new home, he didn’t even meet me. Instead, I met the woman who had been his girlfriend since before we were married. It turns out they had planned the whole thing so that both of them could finish their degrees with me paying for everything! Even the state that I was moved to was chosen for its lax divorce laws.
Our divorce took a year to complete, mainly because at Christmas he lied to the mutual friend who was watching our joint possessions and took everything. I for a while in court, but eventually gave up, how could I not. On a substitute teacher’s salary I was trying to not only support myself, but pay a lawyer. He on the other hand, had all of his fees taken care of by the university since they were using my divorce to train new lawyers!
Whenever anybody talks about “the Sanctity of marriage” or how “holy” a heterosexual marriage is, my stomach turns. What sanctity was there in my marriage? Where was the holiness? 20 years later my wounds can still bleed if they are touched too much.
Then I think about the gay and lesbian couples who have been together for more years than I have been alive. They have stayed with each other through thick and thin. They have faced adversity, pain, suffering and love and joy together. Yet people have the audacity to say that their love, their relationship sinful. Mine was holy and sanctified, theirs sinful. It makes no sense.
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